You unglue your blues at 3:55 a.m. and POW! your routine gets buffaloed straight down a dark chute of oblivion.
Rawson. Keith. Freakshow shoved me before I even found my flip-flops, boiled water, and fed the Devil. He's been around this Rawson, and this guy--THIS FREAKIN' GUY--tagged me with the Bald Face Liar Creative Writer MeMe--the sights of which apparently drifted over my bony six because Rawson got tagged by some Canadian goofball named McFetridge. Ugh. Chain letter of the damned. I was absolutely positive MeMe's were banned under The Patriot Act 2.0, but here I am...stuck with it. Son of a--Fine. Rules. "Tell six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth – or – switch it around and tell six outrageous truths and one outrageous lie. Nominate some more “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies of their own. (Check the end of this post.) Post links to the blogs you nominate. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know that you have nominated them." So, I'm not telling whether it's six lies one truth or vice versa. Here we go: (1) The number 737 haunts me. At least once or twice a day I look at a clock face and boink! These numbers show up. It either means I will perish in the crumpled sizzle of a Boeing fuselage or I really need to play this number. (2) As a former chaplain, I have prayed for free beer and deliverance from evil. (3) Before he died of a drug overdose, I was part of a team of halfwits who pried former Grateful Dead keyboardist Brent Mydland from a bathroom. The bathroom was the size of a large coffin and the irony wasn't lost on me. (4) I once ran for my life from two British transvestites in London who apparently were slighted by my fledgling commentary. They were big and I wandered the city in fear. (5) I have a bunch of scars that will break your concentration and make you want to curl up in a little ball and eat peanut butter straight from the jar. (6) I've had two loaded guns pointed at me with menace. (7) I once left a tiny plastic tree frog on a shelf in the White House after drinking whiskey with Val Kilmer. Tag, Bardsley and Blackmoore. You're "i" "t" it...and I am not sorry.
KIERAN SHEA’s fiction has appeared in dozens of venues including Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, Thuglit, Dogmatika, Word Riot, Plots with Guns, Beat to a Pulp, Crimefactory, and Needle: A Magazine of Noir ...as well as in some beefy-looking anthologies most of which will make you question the tether of his shiny, red balloon. To his self-deprecating astonishment he's also been nominated for the Story South’s Million Writers Award twice without sending the judges so much as a thank you note. He co-edited the satiric transgressive fiction collection D*CKED: DARK FICTION INSPIRED BY DICK CHENEY and his debut novel KOKO TAKES A HOLIDAY is out now from Titan Books. Kieran divides his time between 38°58′22.6″N- 76°30′4.17″W and 39.2775° N, 74.5750° W.