
My brother Tim used say (when we lived together briefly) that I cooked better when I was bitter or depressed. For a while (5 years) when I ran my catering business for sailors in Annapolis, I had the reputation and nickname "The Angry Chef" for reasons more centered on people's appetites for mediocrity than anything else. My loyal customers actually looked forward to my rages on wine, food, and the long gutless slide of chowderheads who'd rather have a questionable burger than my classic Thai Billabong Soup. Now I'm trying to write (quite a few rejections today--a hat trick with one bigger than the rest so I'm walking around in the nowhereland of self doubt). Sometimes I find that when I am angry, when I target my rage at someone or something I want to annhilate, I tend to write better. Or maybe I shouldn't even give a damn. How does one pull oneself up after so many blows to the head? I know, charge ahead. But goddamnit, it sucks.