Black Irish Blarney

2012

2012-01-23T13:25:00.014-05:00

Wow. Haven't posted since freakin' when? November? Really? Not that it matters much, my shouting into the void. Became a bit droll to be honest and more than a little self-aggrandizing, but then again I'm my own worst critic. Put the brakes on back in the late Fall because I was trying to man-up and finish my second stab and fifth pass at a novel involving eye-gouging mercenaries, hijacked septic airships, and televised mass suicides. The whole process fried me plenty that's for sure. The manuscript will probably end up in the zero anyway, but I keep telling myself...it's all part of the process, it's all part of the process.... but damn it, sometimes I swear it feels like I'm adrift at sea. Then came the holidays, some travel, assorted dark-tinted obligations, illnesses, and then (no complaints) a trip to ol' Mexico. Take it from me, that Mayan 2012 stuff? People who believe that jive are certifiably crackers. Now I'm back. Plan on posting on this blog more often, I just lost the rhythm there for a bit and it's like warming up a temperamental engine. Have a Twist-of-Noir story here and the good conspiring minds over at NEEDLE MAGAZINE accepted a 5K-er from me about bad football bets. The staggering triple threat talent John Hornor Jacobs even jazzed me up a bit on the cover (thanks, squire...I owe you a basket of gravy fries and a Jack n' Coke). Yeah, it's a Charlie Byrne story and I know I swore off Charlie Byrne stories, but it's been over a year since I went cold turkey on that front so cut me a break. Drafting a Charlie story featuring his cat Chomsky, bad Italian food, and mister down and out going toe to toe with some nasty biz gone awry got some of the kinks out. Been reading tons of great stuff. Want names? Gorman, Blackmoore, McBride, Shaw, Banks, Inglsey, Currie, Brewer, Pollock, early Gischler doing his Kolchak the Night Stalker schtick, Duncan, Weddle, Leonard, Randisi, and even the Warrren Zevon biography that is simply beyond horrifying and should scare anyone into Thomas Merton-like sobriety. Lots more reading in the cue of course. Can't wait for Chris Holm's DEAD HARVEST that's for damn sure because his writing is just ridiculously good. As for my own stuff I'm beginning a political sort of yarn that I hope will run away from me and become a longer (dare I say it) novel. Who knows? I may change my mind tomorrow. Got to keep at it, right? Stranger things have happened, like the NY Giants actually making it to the Super Bowl. Onward.

No Other Way

2011-11-11T05:05:00.006-05:00

Goin' dark for a while. Went to the print on demand/FedEx/copy place yesterday and printed out the whole WIP. Took quite a while. Manuscript came in at a sizable doorstop, at least for me. Jeeze...350 pages? Scared to death, but here goes round three of slashing. No other way. My deadline is December 1st. Not much else in the pipe. Trying to build a groundswell for B'con 2012 idea...anybody know who's in charge? Because if they hire this Cleveland-based band, I promise it will be epic. Onward.

WWTWB: Naked City

2011-11-09T04:48:00.002-05:00

"I had so many unsold murder pictures lying around my room...I felt as if I were renting out a wing of the City Morgue." - Weegee (Usher Felling)

Hacking Done

2011-11-08T03:49:00.005-05:00

Back in culinary school, the French chefs would yell at neophytes who'd ask, "How long do I cook it for, chef?" "Until it's done, you [insert French expletive]!" was typically the savage answer.
-
Remarkably, I never asked this inane question. Hey, I'm not bragging but I've really solid production instincts and kicked ass in culinary school. Missed top honors by a point...a #@!*% point...because (and I'm speculating here) I may have uttered a few prurient words that maybe I shouldn't have. Anyway, you kind of just know when something is done. And the same "maxim" applies to fiction. There's no magic word count, no trick, no watershed moment based on cheesy formula. You just know, and if you don't know you're doomed. Or so I believe. My WIP is almost there, pretty much at the resting stage before I prune the last jagged missteps and saw the meat for presentation. I'd like to give it to a proofreader, but I really can't afford that. Then what? I guess I'll present its swashbuckling, all action, crazy badass-ness at the appropriate doorsteps with a nifty pitch letter and hope for the best. It's time to move on, really. Try another novel? Mmm...not sure. Confidence lagging. Maybe I should take up fencing or guitar. Hmmm. My neighbor has been jonesing to shoot some skeet. I'm always down for that. All of it seem about as productive. Onward.

Monday's Words to Write (and live) by - A Different Kind of Pulp Hero for Me: TK

2011-11-07T01:24:00.000-05:00

"...once in a while you might see me at In and Out Burger; they make the best fast food hamburgers around." -Thomas Keller

Dread

2011-11-06T13:15:00.003-05:00

Man, this is going to be unbearable. But you never know...sheesh. By 14 and a 1/2? That's a tad cocky.

What's In Your Trunk, Zombie Bait?

2011-11-05T14:21:00.005-04:00

The better half has been getting wicked into AMC's THE WALKING DEAD lately. Me? Meh, not so much. Don't get me wrong, I love zombie lore and I have been more than thrilled to answer the better half's questions on the whats and whys, but good Lord, am I spent on this wackiness. Wasn't the latest wave of zombie horniness over, like, five years ago? If AMC had any lead in their sack they would've bailed on TWD in development and gone for the throat by using a comic like CROSSED...which is just so sick even I can't read it. Hey, it's just my opinion. Anyhoo, besides the wonderful, equalizing advantages shotguns provide you when slaying zombies, why hasn't any writer/filmmaker armed a zombie-fighting protagonist with one of these babies? God, I love these things. The Halligan bar. Two hundred bucks for a good one and just plain awesome. Onward.

TWTWB

2011-11-03T05:03:00.002-04:00

"I think that would-be writers sometimes get intimidated by the scale of the trying to write a novel. I’d tell them to take smaller bites – set a do-able number of pages a day to write (even if it’s only one page) and write it every day, no matter what, no excuses. They’d be shocked at how quickly they’ve produced a book. It’s a Nike thing – just do it." - Don Winslow

BEAT TO A PULP: HARDBOILED "The Second Coming of Hashbrown"

2011-10-31T17:41:00.009-04:00

"In some cardboard box under the accumulated crap in my one bedroom apartment I have a black and white photograph of Hashbrown taken from the stage. Even now I can picture the eight by ten image without even looking at it—Hashbrown’s naked torso caterwauling out over a crowd of frenzied upturned hands and faces, his sweat-soaked jeans pasted to his scrawny legs, the telltale patterns of his Vans sharp as the skids on a waffle iron. The picture was taken at that show back in Virginia Beach where we opened for those one-hit-wonder jag offs who fucked with our levels. Probably one of the last decent gigs we ever played together as a band, about five or six months before Donnie found out about his mother’s tumors and not too long before I got anxious about my future, sold my guitars, and joined the Navy...."

And it all goes down hill from there. Came out today, so happy Halloween. Good folk in this effort. Pulp cheap for the e-reader. Get some.

MWTWB: JHM

2011-10-31T06:42:00.002-04:00

"Humor is reason gone mad." -Julius Henry Marx

Why I Love NJ: Sub-verse-ive

2011-10-30T19:53:00.006-04:00

Sub sandwich shop worker: Cheese?
Woman from Ohio (obviously not a local): American?
Sub sandwich shop worker: Lady, please. Don't make me cry....

Enough said. Onward.

Slow, Sad End

2011-10-28T04:32:00.007-04:00

Who knows where all this crap people write comes from. Some base their drivel on personal experience or shards of rot stuck in their memories that won't let go. Others lick a finger and stick it in the wind. It's not important I guess...unless you have an axe to grind. This week I crushed 13000 words in five days. Best flow for a while. Taking a break from the WIP that is making me sad and frustrated. Two shorts, one much longer than the other that pushed the limit on the submission front but I threw it at the wall to see if it sticks anyway. The second story was more of a palette cleanser. Wasn't even intentional, but when my iPod shuffled up this classic by Uncle Tupelo while I was driving it sparked a fuse. These are dark times. Onward.

LIFE WORTH LIVIN'

This song is sung for anyone that's listening
This song is for the broken-spirited man
This song is for anyone left standing
After the strain of a slow, sad end

It seems everybody wants what someone else has
There's sorrow enough for all
Just go in any bar and ask
With a beer in each hand and a smile in between
All around's a world grown mean

We've all had our ups and downs
It's been mostly down around here
Now this whole damn mess is becoming quite clear

Looks like we're all looking for a life worth livin'
That's why we drink ourselves to sleep
Yeah, we're all looking for a life worth livin'
That's why we pray for our souls to keep

There's nothing left now but broken pieces
Of one man's broken will to care
And in the end before all is said and done
How many others might follow him there?

This song is sung for anyone that's listening
This song is for the broken-spirited man
This song is for anyone left standing
After the strain of a slow, sad end

Midnight is comin' 'round
Still mostly down around here
Now this whole damn mess is becoming quite clear

The Leading Man

2011-10-22T12:24:00.012-04:00

Last night against my better judgement I tried to watch THE AMERICAN with George Clooney. It was bad. Achingly slow, predictable, and the whole thing seemed like an excuse to just have the cast and crew hang out in Italy. Clooney looked like he was going through the motions, however, I think if given the right vehicle Clooney is a great actor. The thing is there are always missteps in between. Anyway, crime-fiction wise here's my top six Clooney films for better or worse. #6) From Dusk to Dawn. Okay, completely whacked out and out there and a bit too smarmy but definitely hyper violent. Who doesn't dig a Poseidon Adventure-esque vampire ride with on the lam criminals? You don't? Fine. You're entitled to your opinion and your opinion sucks. #5) Oh Brother, Where Art Thou. Coen brothers at their prison break goofiest. Two words...Dapper Dan. #4) Out of Sight. A lot of Elmore Leonard fans hated this movie--no way was Clooney bank robber Jack Foley, but for overall style points Soderbergh got an A in my book. Watch one scene again if you can. Albert Brooks and Clooney boiling over when he's offered the security guard job. Makes sense why Albert Brooks was cast in Drive. He can be a real dick. And Clooney? He stole the show in that scene hands down. #3) Syriana. Not crime per se (unless you call Neo-Con imperialism a crime) but definitely a thriller. Desperate man in desperate hours in these--our desperate times. #2) Michael Clayton. Michael Clayton, Michael Clayton, Michael Clayton. Flawless and terrifying because of its plausibility. I think I've seen it at least ten times. And now for number one, ready? Brace yourselves. #1) Fantastic Mr. Fox. Wha---? Yep. One of the best ensemble heist/vendetta films ever made. But-but...it's animated. So? Its heroism never fails to amuse me. Onward.

Wednesday's Words to Write By: FK

2011-10-19T06:42:00.000-04:00

"...a book should serve as the ax for the frozen sea within us...."-Franz Kafka

Flash Fiction Challenge: Reginald Marsh

2011-10-16T09:46:00.008-04:00

A few weeks back Detroit writer Patti Abbott threw down a flash fiction challenge for the aspiring penmonkeys out there in the tenches--write a story based on the art of Reginald Marsh. Her pan is an honorable on. Patti plans on donating $5.00 to charity for every flash story submitted. Fair enough...I needed a break anyway from banging my head against the wall. Onward.

REVERSED

-Stanley? What’re you doing back here?
-I thought I’d surprise you. Here, doll. These are for you.
-You’re not supposed to be back here, Stanley. Jeeze…girls? Could you give us two a minute? Cripes, I’m not even dressed. My face is a wreck.
-You look gorgeous.
-Gorgeous, he says. I look like I’ve been hit with a pie.
-…
-…
-…
-I was in the audience.
-So I figured, you and all the other wolves.
-Pretty big house tonight. No big surprise, seeing that you’re sweetening the bill.
-…
-Did you see me waving at you?
-I can’t see diddly with the lights out there.
-I was standing during the final applause. I called out to you. I was on the right.
-…
-…
-You mean stage left.
-Huh?
-On the right. It’s called stage left in the theater. From the stage it’s reversed.
-Oh. Showbiz. Well, you were really good, the best number I’ve seen you do so far.
-…
-I can see how they saved your act for the last. That juggler though, he was some pill. If you’re going to throw a bunch of pins for your supper you shouldn’t drop them. Care for a snort?
-No, thank you.
-…
-…
-…
-...
-...
-You could get me fired, Stanley.
-Hey, it’s on the square, hon. I slipped your stage manager a few bucks.
-Oh yeah?
-Yeah.
-Who?
-That guy with the badger teeth. Short guy with a red face.
-Henry? Henry ain’t the stage manager, Stanley. Henry just works here moving the scenery and stuff. He’s practically an idiot for God’s sake. Mr. Jacobson, he’s the stage manager.
-Really?
-Really.
-Huh.
-So, what do you want?
-What do I want?
-Yeah.
-I brought you flowers.
-So I see. Thanks for that. They’re lovely. Roses. Shoe sales on Fifth Avenue must be good.
-Can’t complain.
-What do you want?
-I wanted to see you. I thought, I don’t know, maybe we could grab a bite or something. Go out dancing or something.
-Or something huh?
-Yeah.
-It’s the something that’s probably on your mind knowing you.
-Oh, you have me dreaming in colors.
-…
-…
-Look, Stanley. You’re a swell enough fellah, but I told you three times now, I’m seeing someone else.
-…
-…
-Who?
-That’s really none of your business.
-Come on. Who’s the stiff? He some big shot or something? I’m a big shot. I’m opening a second store, did you know that? Bank came through finally. Big plans. So…what’s this guy got that I don’t got?
-That’s not the issue and you know it.
-What’s that supposed to mean?
-…
-…
-…
-Come on, baby….
-Don’t.
-…
-I said don’t.
-Here, have a drink. It’ll put you on the cheer.
- I told you I don’t want your booze.
-This isn’t some swill, baby. This is one hundred percent pure Canadian rye. Come on, one little drink. No? Huh. Suit yourself. Don’t mind if I do….
-…
-…
-…
-…
-What’re you doing? Stop it, Stanley. Get your—Stanley! I said stop it! Jesus, get off me before I scream.
-What’s your problem?
-I told you. I’m seeing someone.
-Who?
-Someone who won’t take too kindly to you being back here and harassing me, that’s who.
-…
-Someone who treats me with some respect.
-Respect? What respect? I respect you.
-Oh, I know all about your kind of respect.
-What’s that supposed to mean?
-Look, Stanley, we’re through, all right? We had a nice time for a while but we’re through, can’t you get that through that thick head of yours? What, do I need to put the picture in a frame for you and wrap it up with a pretty, little bow? Jeeze, just take a hint for once. Scram before you get us both in trouble.
-…
-…
-Ain’t you a cucumber? Huh. Fine. So, where is this new boyfriend?
-Probably upstairs in the office.
-The office?
-That’s right.
-The office here? For this place? The theater?
-That’s right.
-…
-…
-Oh, no. Don’t tell me. Not one of those Jews?
-Get out!
-Why you little piece of stuck up—
-GET! OUT!
-Hey! What’s going on in here? Hey, pal, you’re not supposed to be backstage.
-What’s it to you, friend? Me and the lady are having a private discussion.
-Sounds to me like you’re making trouble.
-We’re acquaintances…ain’t that right, sugar?
-I don’t care if you’re the God damn King of Siam and she’s the Queen of Sheba. Take your flask and leave. Now. Beat it, before you make me do something you’ll regret.
-I’ll regret?
-Yeah.
-…
-…
-So you the big shot hymie she’s spreading for?
-What did you just say?
-Get wet, Jew boy.
-Jew boy? Hey, asshole, you see this?
-Hey. Hey now, buddy. Hey. Hold on a second. Let’s not get all drastic.
-No, you hey now buddy hey hold on a second and not get all drastic. Move it before I stick this so far up your ass I pop your guinea heart like a balloon.
-…
-…
-…
-…
-…
-You okay, baby?
-I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m sorry. God….
-Who was that piece of shit?
-Nobody.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-…
-…
-Better be.

Sunday

2011-10-16T02:34:00.006-04:00

So, I'm looking at this cover and I'm thinking...whoa. That pushes the tack on the envelope a bit. Thrilled to pieces David Cranmer thought so highly of my story to include me in round two. Stand up and passionate writer/editor/gadfly that Cranmer dude. Is my story hardboiled? Possibly. That depends on the leather of your definition. It's not a happy tale. Nope. Old rock n' roll friends gone awry, shattered young men adrift in America, and dare I say it? A pinch, just a pinch of surf noir. November.

2011-10-15T13:27:00.001-04:00

Lou Boxer is ready for your application. If all goes according to plan, I may be helping out on the execution of this event, the coolest of all the cons. Get some.

Friday

2011-10-14T21:19:00.005-04:00

Hello, wall. I'd say it was nice to see you again, to feel your grainy grooves against my broken cheek bone as I slide all the way down to my knees, but I'd be lying. Let's not kid ourselves. You're mean and you're in my way. Maybe this time you think you have me beat. Maybe. There's only so many times I can run full on before you wear me out. Okay. Just let me rest here a little bit. If you feel so kind, fall over on top of me. It would solve so many things. My heart hurts.

Thursday: Music / Life Lists

2011-10-13T18:58:00.012-04:00

My best friend and I have a musical life list, bands or musical performers we'd like to see before life's snotty waiter brings the check and we find we're both short of cash. A lot of greats have been scratched over the years, on his side and mine. Bands break up, greats ones pass or were long gone before we even had the chance. I count myself lucky to have seen Zevon acoustic. Lucky to have seen the Big Man back in the 80s before Bruce became so God damn arsty-fartsy. Psych Furs...the Clash at Shea...Fugazi in the park...*(sigh)* friggin' Garcia. Makes me feel old. So much more to see. The Roots. Toots. The list goes on. But hey! Another life list show is coming up and me and my pal have tickets. Sah-weet. God damn, I love this band and play them loud all the time. Yeah, it's a reunion tour so sue me. I don't care because, as you may know, I've always wanted to grow up and be a debaser.

SWTWB: The Lion Speaks

2011-10-08T08:17:00.003-04:00

"The singular pleasure of age is really not giving a sh*t." - Jim Harrison

And so it begins....

2011-10-07T05:03:00.003-04:00

Finally.

I Love Lucy

2011-10-05T18:09:00.008-04:00

Hey, it's been a mixed week so far on the writing front. Had a mighty blow of technology roach 30 pages of my WIP and I thought I was going to just crawl under the back porch, eat my foot, and die. Maybe it was for the best. Saved some notes and outlines and frankly that last 10,000 seemed a bit rushed. Better now, feeling more focused and less devastated, chipping away at the goal. Of course then I got word I'd been suggested for a very fine project that I need to remain cryptic about until the ink dries. Yes, real cash-money ink. Caught up on episodes 1 & 2 of Boardwalk Empire: Season 2. Found the IRA plot line a bit stupid frankly (and insulting)...especially the Éamon de Valera character...but I loved it when Agent Nelson Van Alden mentioned the "hotel shaped like an elephant" nearby. It's true. A Jersey legend. I love Lucy the Elephant and while she's not a hotel or speakeasy anymore, she still stands today.

MWTWB: The Lawn Noam of My Mind

2011-10-03T06:55:00.003-04:00

"Either you repeat the same conventional doctrines everybody is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune." - Noam Chomsky

Movie Week Continues

2011-10-01T08:27:00.000-04:00

Can't wait.

The Last Day of the Work Week? Fine, Let's Waltz....

2011-09-30T04:59:00.003-04:00

Gee, a lot of movie references this week. Why is that? Ah, who cares? Here's one for today. Look, if you have any of their recordings, play them. If you have the soundtrack, even better. Best concert film ever in my opinion. Scorsese? Forget about it. Mills, Stipe, and Buck should have taken a page out of THE BAND's book and ended it 20 years ago.

About the Sizemore of It

2011-09-29T16:18:00.004-04:00

Last night I watched THE LAST LULLABY finally. I so wanted to see the sneak peek back at Bouchercon in Baltimore a few years ago, but I think I was guiding a bunch of folk around Little Italy--(Lori Armstrong, Russel McLean, Karen Olson, Dave White, Bryon Quertermous, Alison Gaylin, somebody else too? Chercover? Nah. Mario Acevedo? Who knows? It was one of "those" B'con off site excursions...) Anyway, the movie....Max Allan Collins' "Quarry" character, played so intensely by Tom Sizemore. Damn, he's good. Got the character pitch perfect. God, I hope he stays clean.

9/28

2011-09-28T06:09:00.000-04:00

You'd never recognize her in this shot, what with the blonde hair and with that dude. Oddly enough, it's from a quirky, sad film...right up there with a bunch of quirky, sad films set in seaside New Jersey. Always been a fan of the woman's work. Happy B-Day, J.G....a real Jersey girl.

NPR Driveway Moment

2011-09-27T08:00:00.004-04:00

Had one of those "I can't get out of the car moments" listening to this story yesterday on NPR. No wonder the dim-witted "patriots" want to cut funding to NPR. Sure, there's a spineless tactic, pull the plug so nobody can call you out on your blundering arrogance. If it wasn't so pathetic I'm sure Joe Heller would be laughing in his grave.

It's Petty, But....

2011-09-25T17:55:00.003-04:00

I know, I know...it's petty but it's been a while. Suck it, Philly.

Five Friday Things

2011-09-23T17:41:00.005-04:00

This is not exactly an endorsement list, but I have nothing else to say tonight without working myself into a four alarm lather. God, the news out there... it sure is grim. Anyway, I feel like sharing. Here's five things I really dig on this rainy-rainy Friday night. Enjoy. #(1) - GARMONT HIKING BOOTS: Best outdoor active footwear I've ever encountered. I beat these freaking shoes like they owe me money. #(2) - LINGUINE WITH WHITE CLAM SAUCE: Red sauce? Let's talk about sweeping your screw-up prep work under the culinary rug. Done right with fresh whole clams and a full-bodied white wine reduction? Chef? You had me at fuckin' hello. #(3) - LISTENING TO OLD HOT TUNA WHILE DOING MUNDANE OUTSIDE CHORES: Whaa? Hey, you'd be surprised at my eclectic tastes in music. Somehow, no matter how daunting an outdoor chore is, these mellow dudes always just chill me right the hell out. BTW, they're still alive and playing small gigs and have come to Annapolis. Get some. #(4) - BENELLI SHOTGUNS: Really, do I need to explain how much fun you can have with one of these puppies? #(5) - TIMBUK2 MESSENGER BAGS: Since 1989 I've had two stolen, one pissed on by a now dead cat and trashed, and now have three in my possession. Gear for the apocalypse. Cheers.

The Looming Tide

2011-09-22T05:10:00.004-04:00

"...hostages to fortune, orphans of a political system gone mad, hunkering down for a bad century."

Not a big fan, but lately the guy has been making sense. The real territory of America's roman noir. Onward, I hope.

OLD

2011-09-21T20:03:00.005-04:00

Man, I miss the dawn of the 21st Century. Feelin' so old tonight. Pining for the old days--shit, the sad epochs gone by. Back when, on a given Wednesday evening, two golf buddies from the screwball agency's Web launch Q&A ninja squad (who usually sank my battleship production deadlines, by the way...) kicked it for no pay but giggles. Over a pitcher of beer, it was a hoot.

Euripides And You Don't Get Another Pair: WWTWB

2011-09-21T05:42:00.001-04:00

“Do not plan for ventures before finishing what's at hand.” - Euripides

PP

2011-09-19T18:46:00.002-04:00

Hey, looks like D*cked was a bit of a buzz a the St. Louis B'con. Well, you know, it could have been all the drinking. People do overindulge at the conference. Today contributor Tony Black ran this quickie interview with me. Check it here.

BTAP - Panthera Leo

2011-09-18T06:01:00.005-04:00

This story was one of those pieces I pulled from the forgotten, ugly folders...you know the ones...crammed with fragments and shorts and scraps of dialogue that maybe should never see the light of day. Mr. Cranmer over at Beat to a Pulp was gracious enough to accept it. Thanks, David. Onward.

Saturday

2011-09-17T07:10:00.005-04:00

Yeah. 20 Years. But it still gets me going.

Friday's Words to Write By: John Graham Mellor, A.K.A. Joe

2011-09-16T06:50:00.001-04:00

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistance. Talent will not. There is nothing more common then unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world if full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." — Joe Strummer

Why Now, Charlie B.? The Year-Long Fast Ends and Begins Again

2011-09-14T11:50:00.001-04:00

Been almost a year exactly to when I swore off doing Charlie Byrne stories, and let me tell you, the break has been invigorating...strecthing myself in all kinds of crazy ways. Anyway, on Labor Day I finished a 2nd draft on a WIP novel and trotted it out for a few Beta readers. As such, I had some creative downtime on my hands. Oh, why not? One little Charlie Byrne story to cleanse the palette, where's the harm? None for me, thank you very much, but I can't say the same for Charlie. The guy does get his butt handed to him on a silver platter again. Felt good to plug his three-legged, one-eyed cat Chomsky into the show. Maybe I'll do that from now on, you know, crank out a little Jersey Shore gumshoe woe to heal the gouges the bigger work tears into my head. And what's up with the crystal cheetah? Well, I guess you'll have to read it. Cheetahs, if you must know, are a bit of a tradition in Jersey. Onward.

The B'con Bitchin'

2011-09-13T14:14:00.008-04:00

Months ago when I learned I would be unable to attend Bouchercon in St. Louis this coming weekend I was completely crushed. I've become a fan of attending this pandemonium of all things perilous and plot-driven, but the family business has priority over passions. I suppose I've grown too comfortable predicting that there'll be no scheduling conflicts because in recent years they've always managed to hold B'con in October. Wrong, sucker. September. D'hell? SEPTEMBER? What the---? I assume it's because of the honorees schedules or the hotel's availabilty or some such, but then, hell, my disappointment grew tenfold when I learned the Jordans and Judy Bobalick were in charge...because let me tell you...if you're going, this party is going to rock. I love those guys...and if they asked me to carry a room full of books to the the top of the Arch, I would. Bummed as hell to be missing all the cool kids who're going to make the scene (you know who you are....) Have fun all, maybe I'll see you next year. Maybe. I mean, Mary Higgins Clark ain't no Robert Crais and friggin' Cleveland? All things being equal, I'd rather be in Philadelphia with Lou. Unless the Mayans' long shot predictions come true and (ashes, ashes) we all fall down.

Monday's Words to Write and (Move the #@*% on...) By: Big Al

2011-09-12T07:05:00.007-04:00

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction."
- Albert Einstein

Wow. Look at that. September 12th. Guess we can all move on now, yes? Please? Get our shameful heads out of our collective ghoulish, impotent, maudlin asses? You know what I'm talking about. Put it in perspective, now, or I'm going to have to pull out a lot of history books to school your thick-head. Phew. Onward.

Two Comin' Up:

2011-09-06T12:25:00.007-04:00

Haven't been to the movies in a while. Not much out there I'm interested in, at least not for $12 a throw before it comes out on Netflix. Well, that's not exactly true. I'm up for these two.

Mr. Grinch Goes Gonzo

2011-08-24T04:33:00.009-04:00

When it all shakes out, I think I’m pretty sure I didn’t start this house fire. Sure, I may have thrown gasoline on the smouldering match, but no…I don’t think I was the one who struck the tip. Nearly three in the making. Fits and starts, blind alleys, dead ends, and too many lost passions to count. Writers in, writers out. Bites and nibbles, distractions and fears. You learn things along the way. How the game works. Little did any of us know that anthologies were such a bad word in the publishing trenches. Yet Greg, Jed and I...we couldn’t let the idea wither and fade. People were counting on us, we'd stuck our necks out, and whenever we mentioned the concept to someone (at Bouchercon especially), heads didn't just turn--they whipped. You’re doing what? Yup. That's awesome! No, wait, that's CRAZY! It’s hard work pulling together an anthology and my hat is off to all who take on the challenge. Guys like Weddle, Abbott, Rawson, Cranmer, Smith (now I know why Neil never wanted to do another Plots With Guns anthology....) The writers within this little project of ours deserve your patronage so buy a copy. I'm still somewhat stunned that we got Hunsicker and Fitzhugh. Got an e-reader? Nook and Kindle formats will be available shortly. It'll make you laugh and cringe a bit. Can't say we didn't try, right? And come on...if you can't poke fun at a personality this big who can you poke fun at? Satire is satire, and thanks to all. More news in the days ahead. Onward.

Bad Moon Rising

2011-08-23T01:05:00.002-04:00

Hurricane Irene. Jumping classifications. Bad news all around. Good luck to all in her path. And for the record, I swear it's not my fault.

Lesson

2011-08-22T07:18:00.004-04:00

Back in the advertising game I once had a colleague (a copywriter and well-read guy who eventually wised up and fled the shuck and jive) who had a wonderful sign tacked to the wall of his cubicle. The sign read: "OH, YOU THINK YOU'RE SO CLEVER." I asked him about it and he said the message reminded him to scour his work for the weak and easy. Smart guy. Wish more people would be that smart. Onward.

Saturday's Words to Write By: Mr. Tight Lips Version

2011-08-20T06:50:00.002-04:00

"...fantasy is the impossible made probable. Science fiction is the improbable made possible...." - Rod Serling

Crave Inspirational Food

2011-08-18T10:07:00.007-04:00

What do you crave? What you crave--that's White Castle's slogan. But not down for burgers. Today I'm craving the cholesterol-soaked bliss of Hawiian loco moco. Can get it in California, but not out here...so I may have to improvise. Deadly, plate lunch genius.

Bitter About YOUR Rejection Letter?

2011-08-17T06:23:00.003-04:00

This salty rejection letter was on the Huffington Post yesterday. Sifting through HST stuff like this probably pricks up a lot of memories for people. Early stuff especially. Not that big of a fan to be honest. The Rum Diary, yes, the rest...ehhh....not so much. Some random essays here and there. The sports stuff. You kind of grow out of it around 19 or 22 along with a whole mess of other shit, y'know what I mean? Plus, I once saw him at the University of Maryland and he was just painful to watch. I thought he was going to get thrown off of the stage he was so messed up and belligerent. Bummed me out.

Today's Trip Down 1980s Cyber-Punk Memory Lane: RANXEROX

2011-08-16T04:18:00.000-04:00

Am I the only one who remembers the awesome power of the comic book hero known as RanXerox? Unfamiliar are we? "...Sterfano Tamburini and Tanino Liberatore's amoral multilayered fully painted comic -RANXEROX which concerned sexual abuse, arm rippings, stabbings, murders, rampant mayhem and sorts of intensely sexual and violent imagery caused by a Robot called Ranxerox, who could take off his skull cap and tighten and adjust the interior of his mechanical head." Man, that was some heavy duty stuff back in the day, so far ahead of its time it's hardly shocking anymore. Wish I saved it. Oh well.

I swear, I'm reading it for the stories and the Buscemi interview...

2011-08-15T13:26:00.005-04:00

Of course you could always take the safe route, hit that barbershop downtown that's been around forever, you know the one. No kids, no blow dryers, old stooped Italian guys with the hot towel shaves and straight razors. Rumor is Pelecanos used to get his hair cut there, but that's just a rumor. Or you can man up and buy it. Cold crime fiction built for speed. Way to go, Frank Bill.

Breaking the Face on the Learning Curve

2011-08-14T07:53:00.008-04:00

Yesterday I finally arrived at the last page of 50K word rewrite 3rd draft. Exhausting. Every day on almost hourly basis I vacillate between hating every line of this 50K-er and liking it somewhat. But I promised myself I wouldn’t touch or start another thing until I was through this round. Now for round four. (God…) Maybe five. (Hangs head…) Strip the weak wood, tear out the moldy rot, mud up the gaps and cracks. When does it stop? Seems like never. On my first manuscript (differnt book and something I have discovered was completely rushed, clunky, and suckful) I stopped revising when I grew bleary-eyes and tired. It was okay, but I think at that point I was just reaching out for help when I sent it off. Is this good enough? Am I doing the right thing? Somebody give me a God damn sign! No. Lame, huh? But now I'm determined to shine and shine until I'm satisfied that the work throws off sparks. Got this new buzz in my head and I don't care if anyone "loves it"...I want the story to W-O-R-K. Anyway, on another point, some people out there have been asking me, “Dude, where’ve you been? You used to pump out shorts like a machine?” (Actual quote) My response to this has pretty much been, “Man, don’t you get it? If I don’t get beyond the short crap, if I don’t learn how to write the longer hate/love letters instead of the condolence and greeting cards I’m fucking done. I’m going wither and disappear.” Amateur hour and see ya in the next life, pal. Mostly understood. This learning curve is a ramp, and you break a lot of limbs on that ramp you bet. But I want to be Tony Hawk.

Reality Check: McGuane

2011-08-10T07:31:00.005-04:00

"America is like one of those old-fashioned six-cylinder truck engines that can be missing two sparkplugs and have a broken flywheel and have a crankshaft that's 5000 millimeters off fitting properly, and two bad ball-bearings, and still runs. We're in that kind of situation. We can have substantial parts of the population committing suicide, and still run and look fairly good." -Thomas McGuane

Quadro-fiend-nia: The Tortured Graham Greene Version

2011-08-09T17:30:00.007-04:00

Kind of looking forward to seeing this 60's steeped remake. Guess it's already out across the pond and in select theaters. Thought Sam Riley's performance was fantastic in Control. Has that Michael Shannon's distant cousin dynamite-under-the-bridge craziness to him, no?

Nik's Trip

2011-08-07T13:07:00.006-04:00

A while back Baltimore writer Nik Korpon asked me to submit a story for Rotten Leaves Magazine. At the time it seemed like a good break from this WIP that is driving me bonkers like a twisted game of Whack-a-Mole. Man, I hate playing Whack-a-Mole and this particular game is driving me off a cliff. Anyway, it's up. Thanks, Nik.

Fracturing Expectation Eggs in the Nerd Bin

2011-08-05T17:46:00.010-04:00

Greg Rucka is an astounding novelist and a master of complex plot and action. Queen and Country, Atticus Kodiak, Stumptown, White Out...honestly, do I need to draw you a map? When I heard he was taking on the baddest good guy of them all I was all in. ALL IN. This is not for the meek. Wow. Fracture those narrative edges...and you know what you get? Stunning crime fiction bliss. Wow.

Another Trench Gang Member Falls Away: Bardsley

2011-08-03T03:20:00.003-04:00

Been procrastinating on something. As many already know, my good friend and gonzo crime fiction scribe Greg Bardsley (at left in the stripes...picture taken in Indianapolis just before Neil Smith knocked me out with Frank Bill's approval and Victor Gischler looking out for the cops...) has secured a book deal for his novel CASH OUT. Long time coming if you ask me. How long? Let us count the years, up and comers...the freakin' years. Frustrations mounted on frustrations, close calls wedged against moments where I'm sure Greg wanted fire up the grill and set multiple novel manuscripts and rejections aflame. Anyway, Greg and I have gotten to know each other over the past couple of years, steering each other around the writing pitfalls and working on a project together that has now, finally, come to fruition. Greg is a great guy with buckets of enthusiasm and energy and a great writer. But, alas, now it's time to kick him off of the trench gang list on the right hand side of this blog. You know what I really do wish? I wish I could kick everyone off that trench gang list with book deals. It's a tough business. Just keep telling good tales and keep your heads high, people....
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Godspeed, G-Money, and stay awesome.

Old Crime Fictiony Lyrics That Stick with You: The 80s Version

2011-08-02T13:37:00.005-04:00

"Pretty girl, young man, old man, man with a gun, two people in love...the rules do not apply." - Jerry Harrison

-
Weird nugget of truth in that. Heard this the other day on the shuffle. Onward.

Monday Words to Write By: CP

2011-08-01T00:21:00.000-04:00

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will." — Chuck Palahniuk

104 Days of Taking It to 11

2011-07-30T16:32:00.019-04:00

Been some glum news of late. Lots of people down in the dumps, lots of struggles within the orbits. Time for a commercial break...time to take a moment and kick everybody in the head to remind them of one simple fact--summer is almost over. Get out there and make the most of it, people. Here's 11 things I truly dig about summer.
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#1 Summer Produce: I'm pretty authoritarian when it comes to food, serving as a chef and culinary guru to my family and most friends. Sure, we live in a blessed society where we can waltz into any upscale market and score whatever we want, I mean, have ever been to California? It's ridiculous. But the roadside stands, man. The peaches. The nectarines. Jersey Corn. The perfect tomato sandwich. Do I need to explain this? #2 Iced Caffeinated Beverages: Not some frothy 5000 calorie nonsense. I'm talking the unsweetened, traditional BLACK COFFEE and TEA. By the gallon, dude. Like a lemon slice in the tea. #3 Macking Starboard Beam Reaches: Sailing steered at right angles to the wind on the starboard tack and fast. Translation? No real destination, get out of the way, and let's get to the raft up so everybody can go swimming. Whoo-hoo! Speaking of swimming.... #4 Swimming Outside in the Dark: Otherworldly. Really. With suit or sans. #5 The Liberation from the Tyranny of the Wetsuit: Like losing a suit of armor in the open water. Lasts until mid-October. #6 Wearing Scott "Hokuleas" Every Single Day: I don't care what you call them. Slippahs, flip-flops...the way foot traffic should be. #7 Lingering Sunsets While Flying Kites: It's weird but it's really relaxing. Try it. #8 Watching Wimbledon and the US Open of Golf: Okay, technically the US Open doesn't take place in summer but it's in late June, are we splitting hairs here? Used to like watching the Tour de France, but I'm disenchanted. #9 Going to the Movies on a Hot Day: Oh give me the blockbuster, plot thin and well-freon-ed. #10 Summer Reading: For some reason in the summer I kick into hyper-drive on the reading front. This year has been no exception. Highlights? Kostoff's LATE RAIN and Gran's CLAIRE DEWITT AND THE CITY OF THE DEAD. #11 Music Outside: We're all jacked in, satellite and MP3-ed to death. But I miss the radio in the background, the way that (for some reason) FM classic rock stations play more Boston and Van Halen than at any other time of the year (it's true!)...and let's hear it for concerts outside, huh? I don't care if it's some balls-out festival in a stadium, a street corner jam, or the local kids' orchestra blaring the brass in the park. Outdoor music just plain rules. This year's highlight for me was this concert. (Please note the time on this video, Steve Weddle and Keith Rawson if you stop by [shudder]):

Not So Happy

2011-07-29T05:48:00.003-04:00

Finally the Netflix cue bumped in my favor and dropped this film on my doorstep. Been wanting to see this movie for a while. Exquisitely shot, but utterly devastating. Big fan of Iñárritu and who doesn't dig Bardem? Yeah, I knew what the story was about and technically you could say it's a crime story, but the criminal elements are secondary to the overwhelming human heartbreak and scrabbling despair of the characters. If you're looking for a pick-me-up you might want to rent, I don't know, something else. Anything actually.

Sunday's Words to Write By: Heller

2011-07-24T04:40:00.000-04:00

"Don't tell me God works in mysterious ways," Yossarian continued, hurtling on over her objection. "There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about - a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain?"

Coming Attractions: The High Concept

2011-07-23T07:15:00.009-04:00

Pretty soon I'll be able to explain the fictional link between this exciting image and former vice president Richard B. Cheney. Say what? No, really, I'm being serious here. Okay, pop quiz, hotshot; when exactly are you going to explain this cryptic link? Well, if all goes according to plan maybe a week from now? Wow. Can't believe it's almost been nearly three years since the germ of this idea took root. The ups and downs, the twists and turns, the all ins and folds. Of course nothing that's worth it is ever easy, eh? Onward.

Thursday's Words to Write By: Not Pavel Chekov...ANTON CHEKHOV!

2011-07-21T11:29:00.002-04:00

"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." ~Anton Chekhov

The Stoke

2011-07-20T18:29:00.002-04:00

As my man Howard Tate sang...get it while you can.

Oddball vs.Crapgame

2011-07-15T15:37:00.004-04:00

Oh, man. Have you ever worked on something that, the more you tinker with it, the more out of whack it becomes? Oh yeah. Dig it, I am in some serious hair-pulling right now with this stupid WIP to the point I just want to delete the whole bloody thing. Two steps forward, two steps back...one cut affects another and look at that? The overall continuity is screwed. Of course meanwhile a whole bunch of other ideas are percolating and interfering with my thoughts that have NOTHING to do with the big mess that's causing all the mental strife. God damn, it would be so easy just to set the WIP aside and start fresh on something new, right? But no...I promised myself I'd finish this come hell or high water, so I swear, I'm going to do it. To keep my feet to the fire I've even put out some feelers to first readers. See when you put deadlines like that in place people call you on your bullshit. So much other good news afoot...anthologies coming out, friends and their book deals...ugh. Back to the salt mine.

92 in the Shade and Then Some

2011-07-12T07:53:00.003-04:00

"My greatest aspiration was always to live in the tropics." - Manuel Puig

Looked at the Weather Channel. Man, welcome to the future. Stay cool. Stay inside and work. Basements are good. Server rooms are even better. Read a book and drink plenty of fluids. That is all.

St. Ex. & The The

2011-07-11T06:07:00.005-04:00

"The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Started to write something full of bellyaching and somehow (thankfully) good old Blogger blew the whole bullshit post away before I could save or post it. Divine intervention? Karma? The ghost on the shoulder that drives me nuts? Whatever, man. Time to get my rhythms back and get those ideas down. There's good news afoot from the men and women in the writing trench gang on the right. Can't wait to share it, but it'll have to wait until I get the go ahead. Take heart...right, Antione? Don't let that engine stall? God damn right. Onward.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation Part Deux: Swierczynski's FUN & GAMES

2011-07-10T09:19:00.002-04:00

Last night Duane Swierczynski kicked off his "FUN & GAMES" summer tour in Ocean City, NJ. I've a tiny beach house in O.C. and I have been looking forward to this event since I heard about it. I even convinced a couple of my crime-fiction-reading neighbors to attend the show. As you can well imagine the Swierczynski-lites were out en masse, tailgating in the library parking lot before the appearance...grilling the kielbasa and imbibing heavily in substances legal and semi-illegal. Alas, no arrests were made. Cops assigned to the event even rolled their eyes at that "Molly" impersonator streaking through the parking lot in her blood splattered bra and panties. Pretty wild stuff all in all, the likes of which I've not seen since, well...Goodis-palooza. Duane handled the crowd like a champ. Later when leaving I saw the "Molly" impersonator panting like a sprinter in the bushes near the library's disabled-patron ramp. She had a thick, illegible Sharpie scrawl tattooed across her chest. I asked her if she was okay and all she could gasp was, "He signed my breasts, he signed my breasts, Duane Swierczynski signed my breasts...."

Ah. Good times, good times.

(NOTE: This is a re-post after a deletion. See, I finally saw Duane's mention of this post on his blog last night and, well, when someone says "slander and lies"...I hop to. I deleted the original post and sent a Tweet to Duane apologizing for being such an ass. Of course, he then sent a tweet back saying that he liked it, that there was a misconnect. [*SIGH*] Anyway the whole affair is kind of stupid...but just remember nothing disappears on the Internet. And buy this book, all right?)

DSD-Beach House Challenge

2011-06-18T08:27:00.011-04:00

So, because of the ol' Twitter addiction late last week I finally heard about the Do Some Damage Beach House Flash Fiction Challenge. Talked to Steve Weddle and he said, sure, I could throw my hat into the ring. Kind of fractured state of mind for me actually, I mean, I am actually at the beach for the next few weeks in a real beach house. Hobbled together a quickie based on an incident last year in Cape May...so, between hanging out with Miss New Jersey contestants (TV theme boardwalk parade left...Charlie's Angels...me and my friend Bobby with Miss Gloucester County--Kate Bozzelli in a black '68 Cadillac...), reading, catching the hip high waves, and watching the clouds drift by overhead...I punched out the story below. Don't think it's really worthy, but maybe there's a runner-up copy of FUN & GAMES from Duane Swierczynski. Duane is doing a reading here at the Ocean City, NJ Library on the 27th and it would be pretty sweet to have an advance copy. Whatever. I'm going for a bike ride down the boardwalk to Mack & Manco's for a slice and birch beer, you guys do whatever the hell you want. Onward.

38° 59' 30" N / 74° 48' 54" W

-Dude…

…

-Dude, what’re you doing?

-Shh.

-Is that a smart phone?

…

-When did you get a fuckin’ smart phone, dude?

-It’s not mine. It’s Courtney’s.

-Courtney’s?

-Yeah.

…

-Almost done.

-Done with what?

-Just shut the fuck up.

-Fuck you, dude. Don’t tell me to shut the fuck up. D’fuck’re you doing with Courtney’s smart phone anyway? Y’know, Courtney could walk back in here any second and freak out.

-Please. Courtney is so wasted she doesn’t even know what day it is.

-I hear that.

…

-It is a pretty wild party.

…

-What’re you doing anyway?

-Sending a text.

-From Courtney’s phone?

-I’m telling you, every day I am overwhelmed by your genius.

-What’s that supposed to mean?

-Nevermind. Remember that that douchebag Courtney was hooked up with last summer? The one with the tricked-out Toyota 4Runner?

…

-Asian-looking poser rolled up at T-Monkeys’ barbecue with those stuck-up Hill School stoner fags thinking they were all that and shit?

-Vaguely.

…

-Last summer I was pretty messed up most of the time.

…

-Kind of looked like Harold from Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle?

-Wait. Yeah, Jimmy something, right?

-Jerry Choi.

-Ohh yeah. Jerry Choi. Chinese dude.

-Half Korean.

-Yeah, okay, what about him?

-I saw Choi on the beach today.

-So?

-So Choi was way into Courtney.

-A lot of guys are way into Courtney, man.

-No, I mean, I remember Courtney really bitching about how this Choi dick got all twisted when she told him she wasn’t looking for a serious boyfriend last year. Dude, like, practically stalked her for a while.

-Man, that’s just so sad.

-I know, right?

-Freakin’ pathetic.

…

-So, what’s the deal with Choi?

-Choi is loaded.

-Uh…so?

-The way I heard it his folks, like, have a vacation house on some island down in the Caribbean and always do two weeks in Jackson Hole every winter. Fucker lives in, like, a gazillion dollar place out on the Mainline and got into Penn early admission because his old man donated a new lab to the medical school or something.

-Big bank.

-Exactly.

-Fucking Asians.

…

-So, what d’fuck does that got to do with anything, dude?

-I’m sending him a text from Courtney to meet her later on the beach. Choi will think it’s from her. Stupid puppydog will go truckin’ out there at, like, three in the morning.

-Three a.m.? D’hell? Why?

-That’s the best part.

-What?

-That’s when we’re going to rob him.

********************************************

-Hey, Jocelyn.

-Bob.

-Radiology just dropped these off.

-Uh-huh.

-Zygomaticomaxillary complex fracture, eighteen-year-old male.

-Car accident?

-Nope. Mugging.

-Really? A mugging?

-Couple of kids jumped him apparently.

-Pipe?

-Brick.

-Brick?

-Brick.

-Nasty.

-Good-bye yellow brick road…thick as a brick…she’s a brick…house.

-Think you skipped one, Bob.

-Huh?

-What, no Ben Folds Five?

-Oh yeah. Forgot about that one.

-Depressing song. Reminds me of my college roommate. What a sullen little bitch she was. Where did this happen?

-Down at the beach. North of Wildwood. Bunch of kids.

-Really?

-Senior week.

-Huh. Well, that sure spoils a vacation.

-Don’t it though? These are our lives and times.

-Patient conscious?

-Yeah. He’s stable. Police are with him. Parents too. Father wants to move him to Penn.

-What?

-Kid’s dad is a doctor there.

-No kidding?

-Nope. And get this, he’s also attending neurosurgeon at Children's too.

-Wow.

-Yeah.

-Other injuries?

-Hand laceration. There was buck knife involved. Patient managed to grab it from one of his attackers then they hit him with the brick.

-Oh my God.

-Yeah.

-Good for him.

-Yeah. About the only thing.

Channeling Kunu

2011-06-10T07:20:00.001-04:00

There comes a time when I must channel the great and all-knowing Kunu. We all know the line in Forgetting Sarah Marshall about lemons (if not, look it up). Nothing could be more succinctly Zen and uplifting for me. Seriously, I feel a great kinship with Kunu/Chuck and we all should take his advice and do less. Anyway, it's about time I bail anyway if you ask me. If anybody inquires, just tell them I'm going to the beach for a while. Few weeks, maybe longer...soak the head...read like crazy...push the kids into waves. If you have a Kindle for your summer reading may I suggest (myself--I really need to pick up one of those suckers soon...so many people griping at me--this means you, Weddle). Anyhoo, if anything major happens (not expected) I'll let you know. Back in July. Oh yeah, I'm taking the WIP with me. I'm not that big of a slacker (well, maybe a little). Onward.
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Thurs. Words to Write By: Thanks

2011-06-09T05:40:00.008-04:00

"Friends help you move...real friends help you move bodies."
- Dave Attell

Had more than a few friends come to my aid recently, some in spectacular fashion. Just want to say thanks to all. Believe me, I will return the favor someday.

You Must Kill Your Darlings

2011-06-07T13:28:00.005-04:00

Okay. I'm stuck. Anybody want to chime in with some advice, I'm all ears here. Doing this 50K re-write and now realizing that the opening salvo, the one I thought was so clever and jarring isn't working at all. Someone once said that to write you have to be ready and willing to kill your darlings. Well, I'm there, people, staring at a deadline of my own making...looking for way to make it work...close to accepting the fact that I'm going to cut large and kill a lot of little darlings. Awful feeling. It's like the fuse to the fireworks show has been doused in water. Maybe if I stare long and hard at it. Maybe if I sleep on it. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe it's all just a load of crap.

Terminal?

2011-06-02T17:22:00.007-04:00

Most have been there writing-wise. You're writing a story, you think it has legs and merit and then you realize that it's absolutely going nowhere. So, you shelve it, telling yourself (or more honestly lying to yourself) that some day you'll go back to it with the hope of reviving it. Past few days I've been doing just that. Nothing too big, kind of small and stripped down. Just sent it off this morning and hoping for the best. One more little raft in a big sea of maybes and no thank yous. Whatever. It's what you do. It's what you have to do.

June 1st - 44 Years? - Play It Loud

2011-06-01T06:51:00.002-04:00

If I Shut My Eyes I Can Still Feel the Waves

2011-05-30T17:01:00.012-04:00

Hull-thumping swells, record fast reaches with 20+ knot winds, tall rum spritzers, kayak diversions in hurricane holes...fat steaks, carne asada, vegetables on the grill...killer sunsets, solar showers, etc, etc. The big weekend is over. Pretty solid. How was yours? Lots of books consumed as well, three (including a revisit to the "trippy" LOGAN'S RUN) and more than a few comics, thanks to my ongoing exchange with the "Gentle Ben" of St. Louis. Thanks, Jed, HAPPY HOUR IN AMERICA is now in my monthly must haves. Please, do yourself a favor and buy this comic. It's amazing. The best soul-stirring noir in the comic form period. The jitterbugging image at left (damn I want this in a giant poster!) is for issue #2 so don't forget to pick up issue #1. Onward.

I'm Always the Last to Holm

2011-05-24T10:32:00.003-04:00

Well, it's time once again to kick someone off Black Irish Blarney trenchgang listing--way to go, Chris Holm!
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Stellar, my man, just stellar.
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Of course, this happened days ago, but I'm always the last to know. Chris must be insanely happy. If the Bruins advance to the Stanley Cup finals...he might just have a stroke.

Break

2011-05-24T09:11:00.005-04:00

Going off the grid for a while. Supplies secured, books, ice, rum, etc. I'll be somewhere out there after tomorrow. Four anchorages in as many days. Maybe five. Probably a good time for a break anyway since I've nothing personally to report and my capacities are dry. Onward.

Tanked

2011-05-23T08:47:00.004-04:00

"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men, gang aft agley, an' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain, for promis'd joy!" - Robert Burns

Yep, like that...not even inches out of Monday's starting gate and the week, the writing ambitions, etc. go straight into the crapper.

*Sigh*

Stickin'

2011-05-21T07:55:00.003-04:00

Sounds great, Dec. Can't wait for the U.S. release...probably will get buried.

Find Me Friday

2011-05-18T20:35:00.005-04:00

Where's am I? Here. Today. Somewhere in Delaware. Patching up the cracks in the head.
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Brought a book in case I get tired. William Gibson.
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See you later.

Gamey Writer Rockstars

2011-05-18T20:10:00.006-04:00

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Quite possibly the coolest tie-in this year.
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Makes me want to buy a video game thingy. Oh yeah, sure. Like I don't waste enough time dicking around the TV.
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Look at that line up. Wow. Banging.
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WWTWB: Celebrating the Craziness That Is America

2011-05-18T00:09:00.000-04:00

“It is the mark of an intellectually pathologized society that intellectuals and politicians will reject their opponents’ realities.”- Jonathan Kay

Humpday

2011-05-17T06:54:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is new comic book day. Patronize your local nerdery accordingly. When you're done with whatever you purchase, pass it on. That is all.

The Seriousness of Sugar Hill Subs

2011-05-15T17:16:00.008-04:00

Last week was an absolute punching frenzy on the writing ego front. A veritable wave of rejections left me sulking and edgy. Blew out of Maryland and headed to Jersey to clear the head, walk the boards, get the house ready for the summer renters and such. Now then, rarely do I plug anything on this blog other than crime writing and related fictional topics, but tonight I must (MUST!) make an exception. Of sorts. First off, have you ever watched HBO's BOARDWALK EMPIRE? Well, the show kind of grew on me last season (in spite of Buscemi-miscasting overload), and I'm kind of glad HBO picked up the gangster drama for another rack of episodes. Anyway, in Episode 11 - "Paris Green" - Prohibition Agents Van Alden and Sebso ride out to search for an illegal still in the tiny piney hamlet of Mays Landing. This weekend I was passing through Mays Landing and had a culinary epiphany. As a former chef, you can well imagine I take my sandwiches quite seriously. I thought I had them all, the best of the best the Garden State had to offer...but as I live and breathe...if you're ever fortunate enough to be passing through south Jersey on your way to the ocean, for Godsakes, hit the brakes. SUGAR HILL SUBS. Best meatball sub of my life! Tender lacrosse ball-sized meatballs of veal, pork, and beef slathered in slow-cooked homemade tomato sauce, melted Provolone cheese on a (wait for it...) an eighteen inch Italian roll! I'll say that again. An eighteen inch REAL Italian roll fresh from a bakery right down the road. God, I'm still slobbering for it. So (ahem) I mean this with all venom-laden sincerity...Subway? You so suuuuuuck.

Ah, the Calluses of Crimedoggin'....

2011-05-11T14:58:00.004-04:00

Rejections, rejections. They build up the calluses, don't you know? Lose some, lose some. Hmmm. Lose some. Ever so close to "lonesome" which, more often than not, is the state of the plight. Oh, well. Keep going, right? Riiiiiiight.

Black Up

2011-05-09T15:48:00.001-04:00

Guess who's back? Well, sort of.

Monday's Words to Write By: HST

2011-05-09T04:12:00.001-04:00

“Myths and legends die hard in America. We love them for the extra dimension they provide, the illusion of near-infinite possibility to erase the narrow confines of most men's reality. Weird heroes and mould-breaking champions exist as living proof to those who need it that the tyranny of ''the rat race'' is not yet final.” - HST

Crazy Larry, The "Fantomas" of St. Louis, and Me

2011-05-08T07:29:00.006-04:00

Has it been almost three years since this idea was hatched? And the light is so close, so very close. Phillips, Davidson, Ashley, Hunsicker, Beetner, Black, Funk, Abbott, Fitzhugh, Weddle, Callaway, Bruen, Duke, Riske, Canon, Rawson, Richardson...thanks for the effort and so much water under the bridge. We're close now. This song is for you.
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Tornado Relief Flash Fiction Challenge: IN HARM'S WAY

2011-05-07T00:01:00.004-04:00

A week or so ago Dan O'Shea threw out a flash fiction challenge for a good cause. No doubt by now you've read about and seen the devastation in the heartland. Epic tornadoes...slashing rains...the floods. Real wrath of God stuff. Dan is a trooper. He said he'd donate five bucks to the Red Cross for every story submitted. I mean, how can you resist that? 1000 words or less is the order and the story has to involve rain. Here's mine.

IN HARM’S WAY

-Look, you really should be going.

-I’ll go when I’m good and ready.

-You have everything, Beth. I don’t even know why you came back here.

-I came back here because these olive oils are mine. I own these olive oils. And these spices so I’m taking them too. You can keep the salt and the hot sauce.

-You’re being ridiculous.

-Am I, Jay? I bet you just want that. Me gone so you can call your little waitress, have her come over and have some kind of smoochy hurricane party to celebrate my leaving. Batten down the hatches and get off with your simpering, teenage whore.

-She's twenty-three.

-Please.

-The radio said the National Guard and state police are going to close Highway 12 in two hours. I’m just thinking of your safety. A storm like this, we’re lucky we still have power. The wind is nuking out there. The rain is constant now and the barometer is dropping like a stone. Two point one millibars in just over an hour. I’m serious. Do you have you any idea what a drop like that even means? This is going to be bad. Probably the worst Hatteras has seen in years. Worse than Earl.

-Worse than Earl. Traffic is going to be a parking lot no matter when I leave. What, do you think they’re just going to make people walk off the island, pile us all into some truck and haul us off to a fire station with a bunch of Red Cross flunkies and play checkers?

-You're not listening to me. This storm is less than seven hours from landfall and it has turned. Yeah, this house has been here a long time and it’s protected by the groves and on slightly higher ground, but still. The sound is up the end of the street now and plywood and debris are like airborne missiles. They’ll start roadblocks and move up the island. I swear, if you don’t leave right now you might not even get past S-Turns. You might think you can push through the deep water with your truck and all, but your engine could stall just like that and then you’ll be screwed. You know the drill. You’ve seen it before.

-You’re goddamn right I’ve seen it before. All before and worse so why don’t you do me a favor and just layoff your fake concern for my personal safety. Like you even care if I live or die. Oh, great. Look at that. Guess you’re planning on getting drunk already. Figures.

-I’m not planning on getting drunk. It’s just a drink. Given how you’re busting my balls right now I think I deserve a medicinal belt.

-Medicinal belt my ass. You know what I hope, Jay? I hope you do get good and drunk. I hope you get so bombed out of your mind you pass out and some big, sluicing wave cuts the dunes out there and blasts you and your waitress and this crummy shack to hell.

-And here all this time I thought you were a Christian.

-I'm more than a Christian than you'll ever be, asshole.

-Whatever.

-Oh, sure. There’s the typical response. Mister Whatever. Mister Riding Out the Hurricane. Mister Born and Raised Here So-Called Carolina Waterman. This contraption is mine too.

-Hey. Put that back.

-No.

-That was a gift.

-A gift from me, you jerk. I’m taking it.

-Terrific, so how am I supposed to make waffles now?

-I don’t care. Go to Wal-Mart. Ask your waitress whore to buy you one though I doubt she can boil water.

-Man, you're making me tired. Just up and go already, will you?

-Trying to. I'm just taking what’s rightfully--

...

-Dang.

...

-Wow. Guess your cheese is going to spoil now, surfer boy. Boo-hoo. Wait. Don't you dare walk away from me. Jay? Where are you going?

-I think I heard something.

-What?

-I said I think I heard something. I heard something out back. Give me a second.

-Wait, what's going on?

...

-Jay?

-Shh!

-Come back here.

-Shh. Be quite.

-What’re you doing back there?

...

-Jay, come back here and help me with these boxes.

...

-Jesus Christ, what’re you doing?

-I’m loading my shotgun.

-You're loading your what?

-My shotgun. There's someone out back. A van. Two guys. They just broke into Mike and Susie's place across the road. It looked like they pried off the plywood and smashed the front window. I saw them taking their TV. Looters.

-Oh my God.

-Call the cops.

-I left my cell in my car.

-Shit. Here. Try mine.

...

-It's ringing.

-Too late. They're coming.

The Big Blind

2011-05-06T05:35:00.004-04:00

Can anyone tell me why writers are so blind to their own work when editing? Personally, I think this has to do with momentum...that the stories and books are so ingrained in your head that your feeble brain conjures the missing words and forgives the typos and confusing punctuation marks. You read, read, read--hungrily--trying to force the words into a whole sensation and inevitably you trip. This is why it's important to have someone proof your work other than yourself. Being too close blinds. I only bring this us because yesterday I exchanged a proof with another writer and I was POSITIVE I had the piece nailed down. Nope. Grrr. Luckily it's not the final round of proofing, and he's a sharp guy. Onward.

Words to Suck It Up By: Thursday Edition

2011-05-05T04:41:00.007-04:00

"Hockey is a tough game. " -Bobby Orr
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Next year. Always next year, Washington. Now it's a matter of cheering on the underdogs. Go, Boston.

Hump Day Words to REVISE By: Grey

2011-05-04T15:55:00.002-04:00

"I wrote for nearly six hours. When I stopped, the dark mood, as if by magic, had folded its cloak and gone away." - Zane Grey

MAY 3 - SUPERBAD

2011-05-03T00:18:00.001-04:00

Ohhhh yeah.
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James Brown.
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The Godfather of Soul.
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Mr. Please, Please, Please.
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It's his birthday today. Mine too. All I can say to that is I hope my wishes come true and onward.
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Once Upon a Time...

2011-05-02T08:25:00.004-04:00

Once upon a time a team of highly-trained bovine and chicken operatives helio-dropped into a secret location and killed the iconic figurehead of the McDonald's Corporation--Ronald McDonald. And there was much rejoicing within the cow and poultry community. A pair of friends (one cow and one chicken) stood on a hill watching the celebrations, thinking to themselves--today is just today and what a fine day it is...but tomorrow will just be tomorrow and nobody knows what that will bring. I'm only sharing this story to put today's news in perspective not to make fun of the terrible things that have scarred all of us. After all the spin, after all the blow-back, after all the horror and circus just remember...those McDonald's franchises are everywhere, cows and chickens. Everywhere. Onward.

Sunday Tune: Fort Hood

2011-05-01T06:16:00.000-04:00

This song says so much. This ain't the old "Aquarius", I mean, listen to the lyrics. The title is a sledgehammer and if you don't get it, well, good luck out there. Thanks, Mike. Onward.
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Mike Doughty - Music - More Music Videos

Saturday's "Focail a Scríobh De": K.B.

2011-04-30T08:29:00.003-04:00

"Writing can be a pretty discouraging business, but for me when I am writing and it is going well, it’s the best feeling in the world. When it’s going well it’s a great buzz."- Ken Bruen

Complots Avec les Fusils

2011-04-29T01:27:00.002-04:00

The new issue of PLOTS WITH GUNS is live. Breathtaking design and the stories from the likes of Callaway, Bardsley, Ashley...phew. I'm searching for a word to describe it, friends, and that word is juggernaut.

Songs About Guns, Knives, Redemption and the Dark Pulses Beneath the Frail

2011-04-28T12:53:00.003-04:00

After a fine dinner of charred squid, fluffy empanadas, Mediterranean sausages, and lager...I caught (what I consider) America's "Radiohead" the other night in DC. Sometimes when I want to go dark, these guys are the theme music. Some say slowcore, some say sadcore. Here's the trailer for their new disc. Enjoy.

The Life Aquatic - Superstitions and Luck

2011-04-26T04:34:00.008-04:00

"Oh mighty and great ruler of the seas and oceans, to whom all ships and we who venture upon your vast domain are required to pay homage, implore you in your graciousness to expunge for all time from your records and recollection the name (here insert the old name of your vessel) which has ceased to be an entity in your kingdom. As proof thereof, we submit this ingot bearing her name to be corrupted through your powers and forever be purged from the sea. (At this point, the prepared metal tag is dropped from the bow of the boat into the sea.) In grateful acknowledgment of your munificence and dispensation, we offer these libations to your majesty and your court. (Pour at least half of the bottle of Champagne into the sea from East to West.)" [...taken from a boat renaming ceremony...]
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Yeah, last night around 6:30 we re-named the Pearson 36. Originally the boat's name was FANTASY out of Norfolk, Virginia. (Hey...don't get me started on that one, it wasn't our choice...remind me if we meet in person to share with you a little game that's played on the water regarding boat names--kind of a risque/sick "Mad Lib" if you catch my drift.) But after batting around boat names with our co-owners for almost five friggin' years (I wanted LAS NIÑAS or SELF RELIANCE) we agreed and kind of updated the name to FANTASEA ("s" in the shape of a seahorse and the anchorage location - Round Bay, Maryland). A bit more playful and a minor change, right? WRONG! Sailors are a superstitious lot and boy...you do NOT screw around with the maritime tradition of changing names. How serious am I? Well, I know of two people who blew off the renaming ceremony on small vessels...one nearly drowned in a squall and the other got the kind of disease you wince at. Really? Really. 'Nough said. Let's close out the post with a little sea shanty from the iPod sailing mix, shall we? 80 feet of waterline? Holy smokes, Stephen. We have enough trouble fixing and cleaning 36 feet, but then again you probably have a fulltime crew taking care of all those headaches. Onward.
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MWTWB: Southern King

2011-04-25T04:32:00.003-04:00

"You've got to lie to stay halfway interested in yourself." — Barry Hannah

Easter Greetings...

2011-04-24T06:13:00.000-04:00

Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog?

Lapin à la...à la...? The great outdoors?

Onward.